When I was younger, I used to think that I was a really good writer. That I myself was an open book, a book with a good vocabulary and a quirky sense of humor. In highschool, I dreamed of being a writer, and wrote heartfelt book reviews for my Intro To Fiction class. I once wrote an essay so stiking about Catcher In The Rye that my teacher gave me an A+++ and had me stand up in front of the class and read it aloud. She asked if she could get it published in the school magazine for me.
But now, sometimes when I write, my words come out in a jumble, or else they stick to my soul. I'm usually disappointed with the finished product. I think there's a clog somewhere in my heart, a stop up. I've decided this is because I need more sunshine in my life, I need more love.
I feel loved, don't get me wrong, but I think the problem, the flaw that presents itself, is that I don't love other people enough, or wholeheartedly enough. A simple indication of this is that I woke up this morning with an urge to go and bake up a storm of baked goods, give them to some homeless people, and then hug them all (the people, not the baked goods). On the wisdom scale of 1-10 (1 being the lowest) I think this rates no higher than a 3. I awoke this morning thinking about that.
I also woke up this morning listening to my heart beat, fluid and thick against my chest, and feeling my wisdom tooth, sore in my mouth, and thinking about that cake I ate last night. It was delicious. I thought about how my roommate and I ate it while watching The Office, and let out contented sighs, and licked our plates clean. Then I thought about the shrimp we ate beforehand, and how I need to remember the recipe, because I almost licked my plate after those, too.
Ginger Sriracha Shrimp
2 servings
12 large shrimp, deveined and peeled
1 clove of garlic, minced
1 tablespoon white onion, diced
2 teaspoons brown sugar
1 1/2 teaspoons dried ginger (or fresh and minced)
1/3 cup soy sauce
1 1/2 tablespoon olive oil
2 teaspoons sriracha
In a bowl, toss the shrimp with the garlic and onion. Add the brown sugar and ginger, toss to coat. Pour in the soy sauce, the olive oil and the sriracha. Toss once more. Let this mixture sit for about a half an hour, in the fridge.
In a small saute pan, heat about 1 tablespoon of olive oil, or just enough to coat the pan. When it's hot, cook the shrimp over medium heat, stirring frequently, about 3-4 minutes. Serve hot with rice, udon noodles, yakisoba, spinach salad, or any other thing. All you need to know is that these are delicious.
So (while I don't understand your love for Catcher in the Rye) I totally get wordblock, too. It's like the doldrums; drifting on a currentless, windless sea--sure, you're still in a boat, but it's hardly thrilling. Love sounds like a really good way to get you out.
ReplyDeleteI like your turns-of-phrase, the sentence about your heart beating, etc., is fantastic. Keep these coming!
Ahhh Anna, you are such a delightful writer. It's refreshing to hear someone, especially at your age, express their heart and mind with such intelligible, thoughtful words. I discovered your blog through your facebook page and have read through several entries. A few things I wanted to share with you:
ReplyDelete1) I adore the way both cooking and writing are therapies for you, each in its own way (and I love the way you combined both passions in this blog). Even though both are a discipline, and may or may not be something you always want to do in the moment, both are also an expression of your heart, and that is really special.
2) You have already inspired me to start writing again. In high school, I too had a deep veneration for writing and all sorts of literature. I excelled in both, and for a long while really considered pursuing a path as a teacher or writer of some sort. Some times I kick myself for not dreaming big enough, and letting my dream slip away. When I took a much more "practical route" according to the worlds standard, and entered public accounting, I gave up, almost entirely, all practice of the discipline related to this passion... and I feel like with that, I have willfully forgone part of my soul. Something the Lord put deep within me. I always convince myself I don't write because I'm a) too busy, or b) because I don't even know where to start anymore. But deep down, I know that part of me would come alive again if I would just start anywhere at all. So thank you for your inspiration.
3) I love that you said exclamation marks are your least favorite punctuation mark. It just goes to show that you take your writing seriously. A good writer shouldn't need to use an exclamation mark to demonstrate an emphatic emotion. But you already knew that ;)
Blessings sweet girl. God is doing a great work in you. That is evident, and I've never even met you.
Michaela, what's not to get? Catcher In The Rye is wonderful. It's real and raw and unedited (in theory), a boy's thoughts with no additives. Holden is very easily relatable. The best parts are when he says something weird and follows with, "I'm crazy, I swear to God I am." Who doesn't feel like that after their mind goes on a strange tangent, the kind where you realize where you've ended up, and go, "woah, wait a second."
ReplyDeleteAnd ccpruett,
Thank you. :] I'm so glad I've inspired you. I gave up on writing for a few years as well...easing back into it was so much easier when I discovered some good authors that inspired me. So keep reading, it will help you with the writing. I love Molly Wizenberg of Orangette, and I also read The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake by Aimee Bender, which gave me a, "I have to begin writing IMMEDIATELY" type of feeling. It's such an outlet, to write. A way of bearing your soul as painlessly as possible, and I think it brings healing. Don't forgo part of your soul any longer. God created you in part to write, not doing what he's made us for causes unnecessary sorrow.
Thank you for saying that God is doing a great work. Sometimes I doubt that, and it's always uplifting to hear. :]